Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I fill condoms, not promises.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
