Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
