I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
