Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
