he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
