I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
