So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
