I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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