I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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