You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
