Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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