i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
