You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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