Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I am available for nakedness
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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