nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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