Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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