Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
