Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
me + whiskey = a bad person
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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