2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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