dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
