it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
