Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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