I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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