Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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