I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
