If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Success! We fucked roommates!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
