i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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