Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
