So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
