I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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