I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
