Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
