can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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