That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
