it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
