Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
