she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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