Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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