he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
