guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
