For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
