You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
