this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
