Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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