I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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