I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
