Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
