please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
