I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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