I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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