Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
