also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
