Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
