I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
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Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
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He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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