i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My pussy is not your playground.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
