Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
