I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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