Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
