My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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