I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
