Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
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I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
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I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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