So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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