Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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