Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
