Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
