hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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