this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
