I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
