What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
