FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
