My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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