We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
