Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
