well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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