Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i think i just lost a toe
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
