Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize