This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
