You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
