just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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